The Goings-On of Ms. Megan-Marie

So apparently my brain is turning into mush.  I have been doing stupid things like leaving the door unlocked, forgetting when I am supposed to call Matt, how to do simple (and not so simple) tasks at work, whether I am coming or going, etc.

Sometimes it feels like I’m lucky just to remember to take my meds in the morning.   Let alone remembering things like grabbing my sunglasses, bringing my extra meds with me, brushing my teeth, making sure I have my lunch with me, paying the bills, or keeping my shit straight @ work.  I feel like I am floundering….and it’s pissing Matt off to no end, so that drags my mood right down the tubes.  All I can say is I’m sorry, cause I can’t say for sure whether I’ll remember to fix it/do it right or at all/not do it next time.  I don’t know if it’s all the meds, lack of sleep, neurological damage from a few years of heavy drinking, early signs of dementia, brain slug, etc.  All I can do is try to remember to mention it to my psychiatrist on the 10th.  Plus, my hands (mainly the left one) have started shaking on and off again.

On top of it, I am so terribly bored at work and am really starting to dislike my job.  I just want to go back to bed and not come out for a few days.  Yep, nothing like chronic illnesses, stress, a job you dislike, and a brain like a sieve to make a girl feel like she’s on top of the world.

Whee!

Matt just called me.  He got a raise.  It’s great to see that his bosses realize how hard he works.  He pours his heart and soul into his work.  I am very proud of him.  You rock bebe!

I can’t believe it is already October. Where has the time gone. In 12 days, I will have been working @ FSN and living in Richmond Heights w/ Matt for 5mons. Crazy.

Feeling kind of *bleh* today. Don’t know why…well I kind of do, but that is neither here nor there. Tummy’s rumbling and being generally uncooperative, to boot. Just realized I left my meds @ home, oh bugger. Guess I’ll take them when I get back from the gym.

Still haven’t quite found time to go to the knitting store to get some help on getting going again. Posted a myspace bulletin about it. A plea for assistance. My needles and yarn just sit there in the basement, next to the recliner awaiting my return. They are so patient, not terribly forgiving, but patient none the less.

Work is very boring today. It really sucks that Lynn left. It feels like a lot of energy has been sucked out of the agency since she and Dorothy left. We’re plugging right along, but with less oomph. Maybe it’s just me being negative, which I have a horrible tendency of doing, but it’s just how I’m feeling. So there.

Showed one of the therapists how to use missouri case.net today. That’s a fun site. http://www.courts.mo.gov/casenet/base/welcome.do Look up your friends and family, it will make for great dinner conversationsdurning Thanksgiving. Yo u can thank me later.

I need to go the gym and get my endorphins going. They keep telling me it will make me feel better…and I’ve already paid for it, so I may as well use it. I think I need to go back to therapy too…we’ll see. Well…back to pretending to work.

So…it’s been over a month since I posted anything. Life got a little hectic, what with the Crohn’s diagnosis, the new boss coming in and taking over, Lynn (my director) resigning, my health going up and down the proverbial rollercoaster, etc etc etc.

On a positive note…I have startd knitting again, and am learning to crochet. It is very relaxing, though at time I do get frustrated, but hte repetetive motion is mind numbing and soothing. I am planning on taking my knitting and stuff with me when I start remicade. I am going to attempt making stuff for Project Linus and otehr charities that accept hand made goods. That, and I am going to make some nice scarves and what not for myself and for family. Maybe I’ll knit Begbie a sweater. Megabyte would probably look cute as a button in one too. I don’t think Baxter would wear one, maybe I’ll make him a blanket or something.

Work is boring and nerve wracking at the same time. The change over/transitions are proving more difficult and trickier than we had all hoped. I don’t really feel at liberty to discuss too much of it on here, as it could come back to bite me in the ass. But I digress….

I am going to make a conscious effort to blog more often on here, instead of just on myspace (http://www.myspace.com/mmkc). Might as well track my health and emotions and what not. I’m sure it will come in handy.

out for now…we’re having a baby shower @ work.

Well…Today is going much better than yesterday.   Though, I am starting feel a smidge queasy since I ate solid food.  Was rocking out all day w/ the Slim-Fast I had for breakfast.  I had a wicked pizza craving, so I stopped at Racanelli’s and got a chicken stombolli and now I’m starting to get bloated and queasy.  C’est la vie….will have to ask the doc if I should go on a liquid and soft foods diet for awhile.  I’ve read they can be very helpful, daunting but helpful.

I could easily take a nap right now.  I may go do that anyway, as I have to wok until 10pm-ish tonight anyway.  We have a fundraising event tonight, and out staff will be serving as the waitstaff.  I didn’t really take much more than 15-20 mins today for lunch, so I think I’ll go home soon, lay down for a bit then head out to the event.

More later…

Per Matt’s suggestion, I am going to try and blog daily to track my emotions/mood swings and such.  As of rightnow, 10:08am, I am feeling kind of shitty.  We had a fight last night, and I’ll admit it…he was/is right.  I am completely in the wrong.

It really set off my stomach last night…(oh, did I forget to mention that I just found out I have Crohn’s Disease) and that all-too familair gurgly feeling has conitued on through to today.  I am tired, and feel like I could cry if anyone looks at me funny.  I just want to go home go go back to bed.  I think the only thing keeping me here is my not wanting to look like a bad employee and not to mention having to use my precious comp time.  With all these  doctor’s appt.s and the like, I really have to keep track of my comings and goings.

Just feeling pretty blah today.  Work is boring the snot of me, I am feeling very unfufilled and unsupported.  It’s so frustrating to have worked me ass off to get a degree in nonprofit admin/management and work towards a career/job in grant writing…thinking this was going to be a great niche for me…and finding out (that at least at this agency) I am bored out of my skull.  It doesn’t help that I haven’t heard back on a single one of the proposals I have written.  No checks, no rejections either, but no feed back what so ever from the funders.

One semi-good thing htat happened to day was Dr. Wallace called me (choir dir. @ LU) and asked me to help him with the planning and execution of a midwest region convention for Vasity Vocals/Intercollegiate A Cappella Assoc.  So we shall see if that comes to be or not.

On the phone right now w/ USAA & St. John’s trying to work out the billing errors from my car accident.  We’ve been going round and round.  Thankfully my claims rep @ USAA is great, and I’m sure she will get this settled at some point.  Well there appears to be a snafu w/ my claim.  The hospital is saying they don’t have a contract w/ the company that USAA says they have a contract with that entitles them to take a PPO reduction…hmmm.  Christina is trying to get to the bottom of it.

Back to “work”….

FUNERAL PROCESSION: DON'T SKIP THE PRAYER AT THE END…ITS PRICELESS!

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching t he nearby
cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50
feet behind the first one. Behind the second! hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were
about 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the
woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know
now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like
this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband
when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two
women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."

A Woman's Prayer

Dear Lord,
I pray for:
Wisdom, To understand a man.
Love, To forgive him and;
Patience, For his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll just beat him to death.

I am now one with the blog….